Dear pedophiles, rapists, sodomites, underaged kids and soccer moms,

Dear pedophiles, rapists, sodomites, underaged kids and soccer moms,

Please get the fuck off Facebook. You guys are fuckin' this site up. I just sat through the worst fear inspiring story about three murders because of "facebook!"...

To the kids under 14, who are luring these losers who can't go out and prey on young kids the old fashioned way -- some candy and a van (that's retro now!) -- you too. Could you please fuck off if you are too stupid and immature not to know, "hey, maybe I shouldn't put my cell phone number on my page" or "maybe if I take a picture of me with my underdeveloped breast exposed, my parents might not like that." They don't like that. But you know who does?! The guy on the corner of your block, Rusty, who stares at you when you play in the sprinkler. He's really excited about your picture choice.

Now pedophiles, rapists and sods specifically, seriously. I'm down with you getting your luvins. I am, but please, don't say you hooked up on facebook. Say it was friendster.

I don't want overactive imaginations of parents to get all excited because they think they're little white trash accident is what you desire, which I'm assuming you have higher standards. Then the soccer moms and yuppie dads will want Lamebook.com to be shut down. And this can't happen, because in the event it did, I would be so... I might have to... Fuck it. I got nothing. I might get off my fat ass and go outside or read a book. Nevermind. Rape away.



Love (the non violent, and consentual kind),

Jane