Fox News and Lent

As many of you don't know and will know after the votes get in, Super Tuesday was indeed super for those in the Midsouth, dealing with lovely things that the majority of the rest of the country are only familiar with because of a Bill Paxton movie and L. Frank Baum works. I'm referring to tornados, of course.

To preface this, I'm not sure if the plural of "tornado" has an "-s" or an "-es" at the end. Sue me. I didn't stick with college, so I can't be held accountable.

The Hickory Ridge Mall was hit and the one of the walls collapsed on the Sears entrance side. This proves two things, that the Hickory Ridge Mall is ghet-toe! Tornados hit white trash meccas, the Hickory Ridge Mall is the corporate version of a trailer park. The second thing is there was a fair amount of footage of the collapse, if nothing else and I noticed that there were a lot of people standing around... not looting. People in Memphis are not above looting, besides, Sears has insurance on all the damaged goods that they'll have to throw away anyway. It proves that Sears products are so shitty, no one wants to even steal it. No one wants to steal knock off jeans and sail away into the wall cloud on a riding lawnmower. Probably a brand like Tom Steere, very close.

Then, I was watching Fox News moments ago, where they interviewed kids from Union University, which also suffered some damage at one of the dorms. The Fox News guy asked the a guy student, "What size of a tornado do you think this was? Small, medium, big?" Like it's a piece of clothing or perhaps an order of wendy's fries? ...it definitely wasn't a biggie! The student gave a legitimate answer. Then the Fox guy asked a chick, "Do you think there was some divine intervention here?" "Oh definitely, I think there was some divine invention here that didn't let anyone get hurt."

Um... G-d damn near got you. G-d must have gotten drunk, blind folded himself and started shooting at you, and by the luck of too much Cuervo did you escape the wrath.

Then the Fox News had to repeat the religious slant of saying, "You heard it. It was a medium-big tornado, no deaths or injuries, and *definitely* divine intervention."

Um... how does one have the balls to report something as *definitely* any religious affiliation? Unless G-d walked up and was interviewed of saying, "Yep, I intervened on my own creation of this weather pattern. I just wanted to freak people out by testing my powers, but I totally stepped in to save schlocky college kids. They don't do anything wrong..."

Fox News should be smacked around with a trout. The Union University kids need to be smacked with a trout. At least the weather guy on wreg.com quoted a relevant Bible verse and did a pseudo, "Please G-d, let us all be safe." (on broadcast television, mind you.), which is still over stepping the boundaries, but in a case of severe weather, I could understand. It feels like life or death is around the corner. But even he needs a light trout to the face.

Indeed, more trouting must be done to break these people away from their stupidity and inserting religion, where there need be none.

They cut back to the studio at Fox and someone asked, "What are you giving up for Lent?" (again)... and one dude said,"I'm giving up rides in Hummer Limosines." Like, and not joking. Are you fuckin' shitting me? That is your purge for your faith. Stop doing something so extravegently ridiculous to do in the first place, but you insult your own faith by giving up something so petty? Well fine. If you've put so little thought into it and totally missed the point of Lent, then I'll give up pussy! It's so much easier to give up something you don't get anyway.

Or if old folks ask me what I gave up, I guess I'll say rides in Hummer limos too. Equally ridiculous.... only one suitable for grandma.



(PS. Mr. Will Durst will be on Fox News this morning at 8:50am EST... that's why I started watching at all...)