Questions: Lupus

LUPUS FAQs answered. I'm in no way qualified, but it's fun.


1) My friend just found out she has lupus. I spend a lot of time with her. Is it like AIDS? Is it contagious? Could I catch it from her?

Yes, it's exactly like AIDS only so much more hilarious. Lupus actually ran rampant in the gay community in the 70s. Most people think Freddy Mercury died from AIDS. Not true. It was too much lupus in his system and when doctors told him he and his partner died laughing at the name.


2) We just found out my sister has lupus. My sister's doctor said she needs to see a specialist. What kind of doctor takes care of that?

I recommend a Witch Doctor. Or perhaps Doctor Robert from the Beatles' song, because all you have to do take a drink from his special cup, helping everyone in need. No one can succeed like Doctor Robert. Therefore it's like socialized medicine and he's really good at his job. Be my friend and I'll said you called.


3) What's the deal with lupus and the wolf and butterfly? Why are these used as symbols/references?

Because a frail dying person isn't good marketing.



4) I was diagnosed with lupus 10 years ago, but I haven't had a flare since then, and haven't shown any symptoms. Am I cured?

No, you're still a freak.

5) I hate taking medicine. I only take my lupus meds when I start to feel bad, or if I feel like I'm going to have a flare. Isn't this as good as taking my meds all the time?


You're sorta stupid, aren't you? No it's not. But marijuana makes you feel like you have taken your meds. In my opinion, it's pretty much the same thing.


So hang on, lupey, lupey hang on.


(Not meant to offend the lupus patients of america, but if I did, leave an angry comment and I'll probably laugh at you.)