Guide to Being a (not so successful) Player

So you're looking to cheat on your girlfriend, or the girl you've convinced that she is your girlfriend. This is the process that most of you follow when looking for such affairs.


1) Find nights to go out without your girlfriend. This is the perfect time to lie about that. Find an alibi no one will check, like "I've got the kid this weekend" or "I've got to work" or "I'm going out of town." The busier your life appears to be, the better this works! This is the first of many lies you'll need to avoid confrontation later. If you say it enough, it becomes their truth.

2) On those nights while out, find the girl you'd like to hook up with. She may or may not be interested, but get her number, text her a lot. When you run into her, give her attention and ask why you haven't gone on dates yet. She'll eventually give in, because who doesn't like free food.

3) Finally, the other girl goes on a date with you. Never say you're with anyone now. Any other girl you have on the booty call list will simply be friends or you used to see that person. Saying you "used to see" someone is not completely a lie, you're not seeing that person right now, because she's not on the date with you. Semantics win again!

4) While on the date, text your girlfriend, say that you miss her and wish you were there with her. She'll go "aww..." and you'll be a champ with her.

5) Have sex with the new chick. The next day, make sure you text her again with post-game niceties, like "That was amazing." "I had fun last night." etc. Wait a day or so, then ask for a new date, but make sure you have a few days in between possibly a week, because you have to plan for the next step.

6) Take your girlfriend out to dinner the next night. Do it up nice and fancy. If you've never brought flowers, then that's a tell, but if you have, this is a perfect reason. Oh, and you don't even have to bother on changing your sheets. What are you, a decent guy? Prolly not, so, don't worry about it. She won't know that there's other DNA on the sheets if you don't tell her. Also, while on date with girlfriend, make sure you tell her how beautiful she is, she'll fall for you even more. And cuddle in the morning - another sure fire sign that nothing is wrong.


7) Don't forget! Kept texting the mistress. You're an even bigger pimp if you do it while on the date with the girlfriend. Make sure you say, "I wish I was with you tonight. But like I said, I've got work." Working on that ass!

8) Okay, you can avoid the girlfriend and blow her off for a few days. Sheesh. She's so needy.

9) Get back out there, playa, you've got new ass to take care of! Repeat steps 4-7. Make sure texts or convos you have with both ladies you tell them how much they're needed and how much you want them. Especially when the new girl starts getting suspicious, tell her, "I want to be with you." That'll stop that for a few days.

10) Now, the new chick is getting needy and won't stop trying to call you. Why would she ever think that she's you're girlfriend? I mean, you've already got one of those. Start from the beginnng. Repeat all steps.

11) Oh shit, the girls know about each other. And they're really pissed, why do they think you liked them so much?

12) Repeat step 1 again, except this time, go to the bar with your drinking buddies or really go out of town. Bitches are annoying. When you come back, hopefully, they'll be over you. Go to the chick that seems less mad. AVoidance is such an easy way to end things. Now, start the process all over again.


....and scene....



And the moral of the story is 1) don't lie. If there are others, tell your partner. and 2) if it's about sex, keep it to sex. Don't do compliments or say that someone is needed. They'll believe you.

Follow the last two, you'll probably get it a lot longer. Girls are way more open minded. We're also fairly vicious to one another, so you don't, chances are you're going to have an Ellin/Tiger scenario, while her other girlfriend is bumping Jazmine Sullivan while she's vandalizing your vehicle.