Memphis hates you Memphis Beat

Memphis is a good place to live, bitch and hate. Former Mayor Herenton's slogan was "shake the haters off" (http://www.allbusiness.com/humanities-social-science/visual-performing-arts/11867857-1.html), but if we did that, who would be around? Maybe a few clergy people and altar guild church members around town.

Memphis Beat's inaccuracies are going to make the Memphis Hater's association en masse be prevalant.

A few things we hate.

1) Elvis. And Elvis impersonators.

Seriously, you show up in Elvis attire being from elsewhere, we might stab you. We're 2nd in the nation on that, so I wouldn't try it. If you want to be happy with music, I suggest be an Otis Redding, Sam Jackson, Justin Timberlake, Cybil Shephard, Isaac Hayes or Aretha Franklin impersonator. You'd get more mad props.

2) Scenes not in Memphis shot in other more prosperous and loved cities - i.e. NOLA.

The music video for "Memphis Beat" has a House of Blues in it. Um... we don't have one. We've got a Hard Rock. We've got a Coyote Ugly. We've got B.B. Kings. No H.o.B. Why pretend we have something that is a sign of local economic prosperity, when we couldn't sustain that if we wanted. Maybe at the casinos in Tunica, but that's about it.

They could have gone to the ghetto where they play real blues and use that as a location.


3) The MPD.

No one on the MPD is as hapless as DJ Qualls. Not that skinny. If that kid went to the ghetto, he'd be laughed at overpowered and possible held hostage just because it'd be easy and convenient too. Granted the MPD is a large organization, but my favorite MPD guy is an Iraq war vet and a socialist. Where's that?

We don't hate all the MPD, in fact, I like the guys who are "off duty/undercover" that hang out at Alex's till 6am playing cards and turning a blind eye to the coke deals and hooking that goes on, in order to make sure no fights go on. But if that made it to the show, Alex's Tavern wouldnt be open till all hours of the morning. Maybe that should happen...


4) Memphis Politics

Our politcs are a mockery. Corruption. Drinking. Stupid quotes! Steve Cohen is the only decent guy that we can talk about without having to apologize for them. A few other peeps that need caricatures:

Janis Fullilove! Drinker and driver! Likes to cry on camera when she knows she's full of shit. (http://www.clipsyndicate.com/video/playlist/3378/1035078?cpt=8&title=local_fb&wpid=1260) and what Memphis show would be complete without Prince Mongo! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jU6pGaGPEg) He's originally from the planet "Zambodia" and has almost won Mayor/Senate offices in the last 25 years of his running. He also said in last years debates, his way of dealing with crime was to give everyone Uzis. I wish I were joking. Herenton's interview with Reporter Joe Birch was especially fun when Birch asked normal questions, and Herenton turns every interview into Springer (http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2009/aug/14/herenton-my-state-mind-real-good/ see the bottom quotes).

5) We hate your BBQ. We hold the International Competition, therefore we win. Every time.

6) We hate your idea of "time" or "being on time." We'll get to it eventually.

7) We hate not drinking. Sunday would be so much cooler if the liquor stores were open.

8) Did I mention we really don't like Graceland?

9) We don't much like tourists. Especially ones here for Elvis.

10) Beale St. would be better if the damn tourists weren't there. They always look like they think they'll be shot and uneasy at the amount of black people on the street.


All in all, we hate the show. We get the credit, but it makes us look cooler in some aspects, completely fabricated in others, and it's like a show about NYC filmed in Boston. So wrong.


Overall... we hate. ...the show. You bring it here, let us be extras, then you'll get off our shitlist jason lee... and we might even let you keep the elvis impersonator angle.