Post-Coital Health Care Reform

Health Care has passed the House, ladies and gentlemen, which is a great step in the right direction.

Tonight was like having beer goggles for a year just to get it passed. In the Democrats eyes, it was like, "Just give it up, baby... come on, come on!" And it's done. We've blown our democratic load, and now it's the wake up time to realize, wow, this bill is still shitty. But bad sex is better than none, and any health reform is no different.

This bill involves no reach around, no head, no call the next day, but hey, it is something, and that dirty whore of an issue is off the list.The opponents who claim this is unconstitutional might have a point, but with that line of thinking, so is car liability insurance and that is all the bill is doing. You, as a human, are a liability to all the humans around you. This really doesn't care about you as an individual, it's more to make sure you don't get ebola, or if you do, we can quarantine you properly (paid for!), dispose of the body (paid for!) and so that you don't get your disgusting, infectious debt on the people around you.

This isn't going to take away one's freedoms, regulated, yes. Or at least not take your freedoms away to the same degree as The Patriot Act or Homeland Security or the TSA and we rushed those through without little opposition, save Robert Byrd's old crazy ass on C-SPAN. He missed Matlock for two whole days trying defend us from the Wiretaps and the invasion of our privacy, under the guise of "security." Yet, Health Care Reform that could ultimately help the population becomes an argument of talking points and the ever popular American division, a Roe v. Wade issue. If the Patriot Act spied on your fetus or took Jesus out of your grandma, maybe then would the Patriot Act passing have become an issue.

There's going to be a lot of bitching about it on both sides. As much as the liberals have bitched about how lax Obama has been on gay rights (which he clearly stated on an interview with Melissa Etheridge pre-election, he was for Civil Unions, not full on "marriages"), but Obama really isn't promising that much. People are reading into what he has to say to fit their idealized view of him. He's quite the moderate. In fact, he's not liberal enough for my taste, but Kucinich would never have had the huevos to pull his chirizo out and smack the Republicans across the face like Barack did to get this bill passed. If Hogwarts was a real place, then Kucinich could make it all happen to my standards with his Nimbus 3000 in hand, but alas...

I did enjoy the Republican statements and the other Democrats who were stalling. It's like they *finally* wanted to compromise, but the dems were like, "No, we've tried to reason with you. We even sent you flowers. Fuck you, fuck your momma, in fact, we're going to write specific provisions in the bill for Assisted Suicide of you momma." Unfortunately, the "Death Panel for John Boehner's Mother" line was taken out, due to a no taunting rule in the House from the Burr-Hamilton Parlez de Merde (Talking of the Shit) Amendment of 1804.

What are we to see... pretty much nothing for a while. If you're a kid, congrats! You should get health insurance in this first year! The pre-existing condition clauses in private insurance will be the first to go this year and some of the actual industry reform will happen. The taxing won't start till 2013; either start making a lot of money where you hire people to get you out of taxes or start making less. The insurance mandate won't happen until 2014. You've got time to get private insurance, move out of the country, figure out your hardship excuse, become 100% under the poverty line, become an illegal alien, hack into the Social Security mainframe and make yourself a non-person to avoid that evil government health care system or just die. So, there are options.

So, in four years time, when we will, by law, must have health care, it'll give me another reason to avoid the IRS. You think that driving down the road without insurance avoiding the cops is bad now? If I'm still uninsured, I'll be walking down the street and at the very sight of a White Dodge charger, I'll hop into a bush. If I'm lucky, I'll scratch up my leg, it'll get infected. I won't be able to go to the hospital, because it's my fault - no insurance. It'll get gangrenous and I'll have to cut my own leg off with a hacksaw. But it'll be okay, because I'll become an avid animal rights activist, then hop my way to Paul McCartney's house, to see if he's in the market for a new ex-wife. I'll get my coverage one way or another.


Welcome to 2010. No space cars or jet packs. Just more let down for some.

To sum it up this year has really sucked if you're a Haitian, Republican, Colts fan that used to be in love with Corey Haim.