Answer Dog FAQs.

I've decided to start answering different people's FAQs. I like my answers better.

These questions arbitrarily came from PetPeoplesPlace.com.

* Can Dogs Be Fed Carrots?

Yeah, but dude, you have a dog, not a rabbit. Stop being a pussy and feed him beef. Or the neighbor's kid.

* Can Dogs Be Fed Pork?

Yes, unless your canine is Hebrew. Good indication of this, check the lipstick - is it circumcised? Does he refuse to work on Saturdays? Does she say things like, "Bark Vey?"... If so, perhaps you have a Jack Russelstein Terrior.

* Can Dogs Watch TV?

Duh. It's when you train them to change the channel and grab you a beer do dogs really show their purpose in life.

* Why Is My Dog Foaming At The Mouth?

Because he's on heroin. You're a bad mother.

* Do Dogs Get Hiccups?

Yes, after they drink sprite too quickly.

* Ear Wax Build Up In Dogs

Ew gross. And that's not a question.

* Excessive Grass Eating In Dogs

Dude, get your dog out of my stash. And that wasn't a question.

* How Harmful Is Chewing Gum To Dogs?

Not very. They love Juicy Fruit.

* How To Resolve Constipation In Dogs

Hot cup of coffee and oat bran cereal.

* Why Does My Dog Snore And How Do I Stop It?

Because he's asleep. Breathe right strips may look funny, but they work.

* Can Human Laxatives Be Used On My Dog?

This is a trick question, right? Sounds like a great youtube video to me. "Projectile Shitting Dog!" - I'd totally watch that.

* Can Dogs Eat Cat Food?

It's not cat food I'd worry about. The first time you see your pooch eat a kitty doo doo loaf, it makes you want to vomit.

* Is Shivering An Indication Of Pain?

It's the DTs! I've told you, your dog has a heroin problem. Probably just needs a fix.

* Can Dogs Have An Abortion?

I don't think they have "Planned Puppyhood". If your smack addled dog doesn't quit that black tar, I'd seek out the "procedure' as a good option. You don't want to have little crack puppies stealing money out of your purse.

Thank you, come again.